Suicide

Everyone plays a role in our lives. Losing someone is like losing a part of our existence. Once you lose them, you lose them forever...


I was in so much pain 3 days after my birthday this year. I lost my bestfriend, to me she is like a sister. Together we dreamed, we fought, we enjoyed life and met God. I can still remember all the first times we did together. First times that became our last times now.

I don't want to live my life in regret but until now I am still hurting. Hurting knowing that I could have done something to stop her death. Now I am longing for her but I can never win her back. She is forever gone physically.

When I was in sorrow, weeping for her death I have seen a different reality and realized a thing about life. That is - You live one life, take good care of it.

I don't want to blame or condemn her from ending her own life but in her death I have learned so many things about RELATIONSHIP.

Before she died, I have not met her for almost 3 months. I was so busy in my work and I haven't put enough attention to her. My birthday was our last communication.

When she died I found out how hopeless and helpless she was before dieing. Her professors insulted her and broke her hopes into pieces as what she stated on her suicide note.

During her wake, I saw the pain of her family specially her mother, her friends and everyone else whom she inspired and cared during her lifetime.

After her death, I can feel the pouring love of her mother. I witnessed the support and prayers of her friends.

Now I realized four things out of those four scenarios. First,"Relationship deserves no better excuses." Never  say you can't come because you are busy. Once our family, our friend leaves us they leaves us forever. So try not to miss the chance of celebrating a life with them.

Second, "Breaking hopes is killing lives." If you can help yourself from not saying any hurting words to others, avoid them. The Bible says, "You shall not kill." Everyday is a blessing, never devastate that blessing from hurting the feeling of others. Respect people by becoming more sensitive.

Third, "Never make it a choice to end you own life." Again, I do not condemn my bestfriend from leaving this world on her own choice but I saw the pain of being left out. She was a beautiful woman, intelligent, faithful to God and a fighter. If you consider ending your own life think again, How many people will suffer from losing you? Who will be in pain in missing you? What will happen to the sacrifices and love of the people around you? Who will play your role in the life of others?

Finally, "Once you die, you die." God promises a life of happiness. God has a plan. What will happen to those plans? For now, I am seeing her death as a blessing for me to inspire other people. I know she lived a very meaningful years on earth, she cared and touched many lives in her days, she gave a wonderful smile to everyone around. Her death is not the end. I have forgiven myself now from not doing a thing to stop her death, maybe it was God's plan - we can never tell but God loves us unconditionally, that is a fact.

After my eyes, I saw how she accepted Christ as her personal savior. God is fair. May she rest in peace. I love her and I want my love for her to move me in making other lives meaningful, to save the hopeless by giving them hope. Life is a journey, I will have my own journey with our sweet memories.

Posted in: Life